


As I Lay Dying

by spicyyakisoba



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Drabble, Feels, Flashbacks, Gen, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:33:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25060180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spicyyakisoba/pseuds/spicyyakisoba
Summary: Eiji. The last thought that flashed across his mind. It was Eiji. Bittersweet memories flew by like the fleeting colors of a burning sunset: one moment there, the next, darkness.OrAsh's last thoughts as he bled out in the library.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	As I Lay Dying

A pale figure clad in a trench coat stumbles into the library, uneven footsteps echoing across the spacious room. Aside from the soft clicking of keyboards on a laptop or the occasional thump of a student setting down a hefty textbook, the library is engulfed in a peaceful silence. The figure sinks heavily into a chair, and his bangs shift to reveal a youthful face no more than eighteen and eyes with flecks of jade dancing under a sheen of tears. Those eyes are trained onto a letter which he clutches so tight his knuckles turn white. 

A while later, the boy appeared to have fallen asleep slumped over the desk, except for the eerie stillness that fell over him and the quiet drip drip drip of crimson onto the marble floor.

-

Ash was no stranger to the concept of death. Nor did he fear it. Constantly tallying the casualties after a gunfight or staring into the glassy eyes of corpses that bled out from switchblade wounds had forced him to face the concept of death with a morbid acceptance. Throughout his short life, he had found amusement in contemplating what his last thoughts would be. His mother, perhaps? (Now that’s a classic) Or his friends- Shorter, Alex, the living and the dead. Now that would be funny, thinking about the dead as one lay dying.

Eiji. The last thought that flashed across his mind. It was Eiji. Bittersweet memories flew by like the fleeting colors of a burning sunset: one moment there, the next, darkness. Sweet because it was Eiji. Bitter because deep down he knew they belonged to different worlds and he shouldn’t have hogged Eiji to himself, damnit. He should have never let Eiji hold his gun, or visit him at that cursed hospital. He should have sent him straight back to Japan.

But Eiji was his salvation. How could he not keep him by his side when Eiji would drag him out of bed kicking and screaming? When Eiji would cook for him and make him try natto and all those new foods? When Eiji would stay up with him and rub soothing circles on his back after he found him hyperventilating in the bathroom at 2 AM? Eiji would look at him with those painfully trusting eyes and whisper, “You can tell me when you’re ready.” How could he not keep him by his side when Eiji was the one person in the world who loved, loved, loved him and didn’t expect anything back? 

But he was selfish. He had hoarded the soft smiles, gentle caresses, and soothing hands through his hair. And all he ever gave back were gunshot wounds, stitches, silence, the smell of antiseptic in hospital rooms. Deep down he knew he didn’t deserve this. 

The devil, they called him. He never denied it. That was what he was. After all, his fingers pull the trigger without hesitation and leave him so, so tainted. Dirty. He remembered Shorter’s face as he begged him to end his life. And he had done it. Yeah, he had shot a bullet through his best fucking friend. A heartless bastard is what he is.

But despite all that, despite everything. Despite despite despite, he had wanted to live. After all, he had told Eiji that he would like to visit Japan some day, hadn’t he? 

Forgive me Eiji. I tried. I really did. You’ve been by my side this whole time. Sorry that I’m leaving before you. Perhaps it’s for the best. 

Maybe in a different life we would have spent the rest of our lives together. I would have liked that.

-

As the last drops of crimson hit the library floor, a sigh escaped the boy’s lips, which softly turned upwards into a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> I finished banana fish a few days ago and the ending left me SHOOK. And the outcome of that was this fic. 
> 
> This is my first fic ever and I had sm fun writing it!! pls don't roast me too badly hehe. Do let me know how you liked it tho ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ


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